Faking My Own Suicide
by enlightened
Summary: Terra didn't turn to stone after stopping the volcano. Instead, she left in order to get Beast Boy to realize his own feelings for her. Songfic based on Faking My Own Suicide by Relient K. BB/Terra. One-Shot.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Teen Titans or the song that this is based on. No money is being made from this.

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**Faking My Own Suicide**

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_So I've made up my mind_

_I will pretend_

_To leave this world behind_

He tells her that she doesn't have any friends. That he's not her friend, and never will be. She knows it's because she sold him out. Because she betrayed him. Because she made it personal. In that second, Slade is right. And she hates it.

When he turns his back and walks away, like the mirrors surrounding her, her heart shatters. Painful, tiny shards, struggling to escape, and cut off her breath. In that instant, she knows what she wants. And it's not this.

A plan starts to form in her mind as she stares into her own blue eyes, and she thinks maybe, just maybe it'll work.

_And in the end _

_You'll know I've lied_

_To get your attention_

_I'm faking my own suicide_

"No! You don't control me anymore!"

She falls backwards and uses Slade's own momentum to flip him over. She lets go and watched him fly through the air and over the edge, into the boiling lava. Watches as his mask disappears below the bubbling surface.

The cavern trembles, throwing the two remaining occupants to the floor. The lava level rises, increasing the temperature to nearly unbearable. She struggles to her feet, standing on numb legs. She wipes away a line of sweat.

"Come on! We have to get out of here!" Her green friend tugs on her arm, leading her away. "It's over, Terra!"

"No," she says and pulls away. "It's never over."

"Slade's gone, of course it is!"

She looks him in the eye. "This volcano, I'm the only one who can stop it."

He sees the truth in her words but doesn't want to believe it. He just got his friend back; he's not ready to lose her again.

"I... You... I can't lose you!" he says desperately.

"You can't lose something you never had."

He lunges forward on his knees and wraps her too tightly in a hug. He tries to make her understand his feelings. How sorry he is for doubting her, for turning his back on her. How much he wishes he had had her, held her, and laughed with her when he had the chance. Another shudder of the cavern throws the two apart.

"Go!"

She calls a rock up and throws him back through the entrance before sealing it. Walking to the edge, she first focuses of cooling down the lava, and then fuses it to the ground. Once she's sure that the volcano is stable, she steps back and takes a deep breath. Focusing on everything she's ever learned to do, her hands glow yellow and a figure of stone rises before her.

She takes her time, moulding it into a carbon copy of herself. She manipulates the stone to show her heroic last pose, with her arms spread wide, her hair whipping behind her and a scream of determination on her face.

Satisfied with her creation, she reopens the entry way and disappears before anyone returns.

_I'm faking my own suicide  
_

_Because I know you love me  
_

_You just haven't realized  
_

_I'm faking my own suicide_

He's the first one to return, mere hours later. He's alone as he walks to her statue and examines how lifelike it is. How real her expression is, how delicate her fingers are, and the destruction of her suit. He thinks it's possible that at any second it could spring alive and laugh at his pathetic reaction, except that it's made from stone; so it doesn't.

"Terra, you did it. You saved the city." He tells her unmoving body.

He doesn't get a response.

He drops to his knees, with his head in his hands. He shuts his eyes tight, praying that this is all just a dream and that he'll wake up. Or maybe just to try to keep the first tear from falling.

"You... You were the best friend I ever had," he whispers brokenly before dragging himself to his feet and stumbling out of her final resting place.

_They'll hold a double funeral  
_

_Because a part of you will die  
_

_Along with me_

He hears his friends talk about their times with her as they lay flowers at her grave, but he doesn't register what they say. He doesn't care for how she stomped Cyborg at videogames, or went shopping with Starfire, trained with Robin or got Raven to like her. They didn't know her as he did. They don't understand what it's like.

Finally it's his turn, and without saying a word he places the metal heart-shaped box at her feet. Suddenly, he can't stand to be there any longer. He can't breathe and he has to get out. He blindly pushes Raven out of the way in his haste to leave.

He runs through the underground with cheetah like speed, all the while feeling like he left his real heart back with her statue.

_I wish you thought that I was dead  
_

_So rather than me  
_

_You'd be depressed instead_

She watches him from a distance, watching how he exerts himself past exhaustion. She sees him jump off the tower as a human, only to transform into a creature with wings feet before the ground and fly back up, only to repeat the process. She can't help but fear that one time he won't transform in time, but then again, perhaps that's the entire point.

_And before arriving at my grave  
_

_You'd come to the conclusion  
_

_You'd loved me all your days_

He's at the docks, riding the ferris wheel alone. He's at the very top, looking out over the still, black water. In his hands, is the gift that Starfire gave him. The Tameranian custom of giving a book of memories after a person's death used to only anger him. His refusal to accept that Terra was dead sparked conflict amongst the team, but he finally accepted the book as a consideration to his alien friend.

His eyes fall on all the pictures of him and her Terra together. There isn't a single photo where they aren't laughing or otherwise having a good time. He puts down the book and looks beside him, as if hoping to see her sitting there waving at him like in the last photo. He's met with an empty carriage and pulls his eyes back to the photo.

His heart skips a beat as he sees her smile in a whole new light and he redoubles his hope that she isn't really dead.

After all, you can't properly love someone who's dead.

_But it's too late  
_

_Too late for you to say_

He's in the house of mirrors again, but doesn't know what brought him here. He doesn't know why he tortures himself, forcing himself to stare at his own reflection when he hates himself.

He hates himself for letting her go, and got all the missed opportunities. _I love you_, was all he needed to say and he had countless chances. And he missed every single one. Even his last words to her could have, should have been, better than just something about losing her.

"You should have told her then, that you loved her." He says to his reflection before driving his fist through his reflections face.

"Because now it's too late."

_Because I'm faking my own suicide  
_

_Because I know you love me  
_

_You just haven't realized  
_

_I'm faking my own suicide  
_

_They'll hold a double funeral  
_

_Because a part of you will die  
_

_Along with me  
_

He's back again. He can't stay away. It must be his third time this week coming to visit her. She never answers when he talks, but that's alright because she understands him, like none of the other Titans ever would.

He's telling her a story when his eyelids start to droop and he almost falls asleep. He can almost hear her laughter in his head as he fights off countless sleepless nights, all spent thinking about her and coming out to see her in the dead of the night.

Robin is worried, as is his whole team, but they don't understand the need he has to be near her. Or at the very least, her statue.

They don't understand that this place is the only place he ever feels whole now.

_I'll write you a letter that you'll keep  
_

_Reminding you your love for me  
_

_Is more than six feet deep_

He's tossing and turning in his bed trying to sleep. Thoughts of her are plaguing his mind, denying him passage to the dream realm. His eyes have purple bags under them, and his lack of coordination has caused him to be on temporary leave from missions.

He fears that something may be wrong with him, because he can't get her out of his head. He swears he can her voice in his head, and knows that can't be normal.

He's just on the edge of consciousness when he hears a tapping on his window. He rolls over and his snap open, staring in the direction of his window.

There, floating on a rock, dressed all in white, is her.

He can't believe his eyes, and blinks. Once. Twice. She's still there. He thinks it must be a hallucination, but if it involved her he'd gladly welcome anything. Stunned, it's all he can to do simply sit up.

She gives him a shy smile and presses a letter against the window before gliding up and he can't see her any longer.

"N...No! Wait!" he finally finds his voice, and jumps out of bed opening the window and thrusting his head out, trying to spot her.

The night sky is clear, it's a new moon and no stars are twinkling. He looks in every direction and doesn't spot any Terra-shaped objects anywhere. Half heartedly, he looks to his right and sees to his immense surprise that the letter is still there.

He quickly snatches it and settles down on his bed to read; by now he's wide awake.

There, in her writing is a simple sentence.

_Don't hide your feelings._

_-T_

_You say aloud that you  
_

Would've_ been my wife  
_

_And right about that time  
_

_Is when I come back to life_

_And let you know  
_

_I'd let you know (whooaa)_

He's standing before her again, not knowing quite what to make of the note he received. He's talked to her so often, it should seem natural by now, but it's not. In fact, this is the hardest it's ever been for him to think of something to say. Each time he's ever talked to her, it was always about mundane everyday things or he'd tell her a joke. He doesn't know how to put his feelings into words.

He figures that he doesn't really have anything to lose, and takes a deep breath to stop his heart from leaping into his throat.

"Uh… Well I guess you already know you were my best friend and all, and I liked you and, uh…" he trails off and looks around him, feeling foolish for pouring out his feelings to a stone. "I don't know if it's normal, or creepy, or whatever, but uh… I just can't move on from you.

"You're always in my head, and I'm always thinking about you! And it's driving me crazy! I think we could have been a really good couple if only… you know… and it's a really big bummer, because I… uh…"

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before whispering, "I love you."

His ears twitch as a loud crack splits the silence and he opens his eyes just in time to see her statue crumble.

_That all along I was faking my own suicide  
_

_Because I know you loved me  
_

_You just never realized  
_

_I was faking my own suicide_

His mind flashes back to his last moments with her, and how he pounded on the rock trying to get past it. Trying to help her. He compares the last time the saw her to the rocky statue that was left behind. He suddenly thinks that maybe, maybe it really was only left behind. Could it be possible that the real girl is still out there?

_I'll walk in that room,  
_

_See your eyes open so wide  
_

_Open so wide  
_

_Because you know  
_

_Because you know_

He hears footsteps at the mouth of the cavern and whips his head around so fast he swears he has whiplash. No one ever comes down here anymore besides himself. His eyes widen and he blinks to clear his vision. _It's not possible_, his brain says. _I must be going insane._

There, walking towards him is her. Her long hair bounces softly as each step silently falls against the rock floor. She doesn't look a day older than when she disappeared. She might have just stepped out the rock, for she even wears the same clothes.

His green eyes find her blue, and find them shining brightly. The light reflects off of her visibly moist eyes, and he feels his own mirror hers.

With jerky movements he puts one foot in front of the other and meets her halfway.

_You will never leave my sight _

_(You will never leave my sight)  
_

_Until the day that I die for the first time _

_(Until I die for the first time)_

He stops in front of her and stares. Neither one of them speak. They just stand there, each waiting for the other to make a move.

Slowly, haltingly, he reaches out a hand and brushes her cheek. When his hand meets warm flesh, he jerks it back and stares harder. He doesn't understand what this is; she shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be able to touch her. He wonders why his hand doesn't pass through her like all his visions before.

"Beastboy," she whispers, then gives him a tiny smile.

"No…" he says, squeezing his eyes and shut and willing her away. "You're not real, you're never real."

"I am," she says and as if to prove it closes the distance between them and pulls him into a hug.

His eyes snap open and his mind can't process what's going on. He registers that there's something warm and soft pressed against him, that's nothing like his visions when he's grasping at air. His arms hesitate for a second before slowly folding around her. He trails his fingers through her hair, feeling each silky strand pass through.

He still doesn't know if this is real, but no matter if it is or isn't, he'll be damned if he lets her go this time.

_And we'll laugh, yeah we'll laugh  
_

_And we will cry  
_

_So overjoyed with our love  
_

_That's so alive_

"Terra… I…. you…" He can't find the words he's looking for, the words to express what he needs to tell her.

"I know, Beastboy, and I'm sorry."

"How could you?" He suddenly screams at her and jumps back, eyes narrowed.

His head clouds with all the hurt he's been suppressing and it feels as if his heart is beating out of his chest. He can't get enough air and is soon panting to keep from passing out, bent over with his hand on his knees.

"It was the only way –" she cries desperately, clenching her hands into tight fists, her shoulders heaving with sobs.

"The hell it was. Do you know what I've _been_ through?" He throws his hands into the air and grabs his hair, pulling it down in frustration. "I thought I lost you, I was a mess… I don't even know who I've been these past few months! And… and I've been having these stupid dreams and these stupid…hallucinations… about you!

"And then your freaking ghost shows up and gives me a letter saying to come here! What's going on, Terra? Terra?"

By the end of his speech he's in hysterics with unchecked tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I had to Beastboy." She says in frustration, willing him to understand. She doesn't approach him, instead giving him his space. She remembers how he never liked anyone to see him cry; never liked to show weakness.

"But… Why?"

"It was the only way to save the city," she says softly, looking him in the eye. "It was the only way to save myself, and you. I did it to save us."

"Save me? Us?"

"If… If I hadn't of left, you would have never realised your true feelings for me. After all, to realise how much you love something -"

"- you have to lose it first." He finishes, finally understanding why she would leave him.

He wipes at his tear-streaked face and offers her his first smile in ages. It feels like a forgotten motion, and his face muscles feel stiff from disuse. He imagines it doesn't look the greatest, but it gets her to smile in return which is all he cares about.

He gently wipes away her tear with his thumb, finishing by tucking a fallen strand of hair behind her ear.

"I meant what I said before," he says. "I do love you, Terra."

Her smile grows even wider and she stretches up on her tip toes to plant a quick kiss on his cheek.

"I love you too."

As they walk to the exit, hand in hand, he leans over and makes a request.

"So, next time I'm being dense about my feelings, or whatever, just drop a rock on my head, okay? Anything besides this."

She giggles and he smiles at her, but his eyes say he's dead serious.

_Our love is so alive_

The evening is late by the time they finish explaining to the other Titans what had occurred. All that the other members knew was that she had gone away, and was now back. They figure anything else would be best kept between just the two of them, lest Cyborg get a hold of an endless supply of blackmail and ribbing material.

Just before everyone breaks for bed, the alarm sounds through out the tower.

"Trouble at the east bank," Robin reports from the screen.

Immediately, Robin, Cyborg, Raven and Starfire leap into action.

Beastboy is halfway through the door when he turns to see her standing in the middle of the room.

"What're you waiting for?" he asks, and throws her her old communicator. "You're a Titan again."

"Definitely am." She agrees and catches it, admiring the simplicity of it.

In a few short strides he's at her side and they both lock eyes and exchange smiles. With twin feelings of content, they sprint out of the tower, excited to start a new chapter of their lives; hopefully together.

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**A/N: **Thanks for reading, and please spare a second to let me know how you did/didn't like it. Oh, and the song that this is based on is a really good song, by a really good group. Faking My Own Suicide by Reliant K. Check them out.


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